_ 12月の27日と28日、仙台にいるあいだ各方面にご返事をするはずであったが、一行も書けなかった。
などということを今頃書いている。そういう体たらくである。
ごめんなさいです。
.
調子というものの道のりにもいろいろあるけれど、少なくとも絶好調から絶不調までの単線的な段階ではない。書くに逸って、構想するより早く書き進んでしまえる時期であっても、かえってあらかじめの目途に沿って書こうとすると、ちっとも捗がいかない。
と、いうようなことはこうして書けているのだが、特定の誰かに向けて書こうとすると、はたと踏み迷ってしまう。
どこかなにかえらく調子が良いときには必ず、表裏をなしてどこかしら絶不調である。
否も応もなく、たっぷり重しが付いてしまった。沈めるだけ沈んだら、浮かび上がってきます。
.
.
「沈む」、といえばローラ・カシシュケ『沈みゆく女』(角川書店)はすごい小説でした。手のなかで暴れ出すので読みにくい。『真鶴』に倍して読み進まない小説で、いつ読み終わるやも知れません。
うかうかしていると意識が本の外まで弾き出されてしまうような、圧力の高い比喩と比喩が、たがいを圧迫してどよめき、本を読み進んでいる場合ではなくなる胸騒ぎがして。こんなにも鮮烈に小説が書かれ得るのは、あんまりではないか、という気がしてきます。書く方にとっても、読む方にとってもです。
本の中から噴き出してくる風圧をからだで抑えて、しっかりつかまって読む。これは痩せる。
そんなことを言いながらも、心の切れ端がかさこそと、紙屑のように読んでいるぼくと本のあいだからさまよい出てゆくのを、横目でちらっと見るのはたのしい。
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