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雪雪/醒めてみれば空耳

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2004-03-09 叙景集

_ 559

◆臨月◆

どこが病院なのだか迷っているうちに予定の時間はとっくに過ぎてしまって、どういう具合に踏み迷ったものかあたりには人の姿も建物の影も見えなくなり、にちゃにちゃと湿った野原にただ電線だけがびょーんびょーん唸るのに急きたてられながらどちらへ行けばいいのかきょろきょろする私の目に笹原の向こうに沼のように見えたものは、近付いてみると窪地に溜まった妙にどろりとした霧で、湯の中でひしめく太腿のようなしろい塊が数をも知れずうぞうぞと押し合いへし合いしているのだった。気色のいい眺めではないが、私の足はなにを思うのか勝手に笹原に分け入っていって、じっとりと濡れた葉に擦って腰から下がびしょびしょになってしまいあたりはずるずると暗くなってゆく。

白ずんだ風がひりひり沁みるのでうつむきながら歩いてゆくうちに、わう、と音がして巻き上がる風に顎を打たれてのけぞると、おお、そろそろと降りてきていた月がすでに手の届きそうなくらいに低く垂れ下がっている。月が、閉じていた眼をくわっと開いたかのように輝きを増すと、空腹な月光がしゃりしゃりと笹を噛む音がそこら中から湧き上がる。

張り詰めて破れそうな月の腹からとろとろとろけ落ちるかに見えるのは節くれだった擬足で、それは霧の溜りの中にまさぐるように挿し入れられて、じゅるじゅると啜り上げる音をたて始めるとたちまち霧はのたうちながら縮んでゆく。

見るまに月の表面には網目状の青筋がみちみちと盛り上がり、側面が耐えかねたように唇のかたちにめくれ上がって裂け目となり、排泄されるようにぬるりと一頭の馬が背中から押し出されてきて、粘液の糸を引きながら地べたに落ちる。

月は反り返りながら狂おしく哭く。

馬は濡れた銭芦毛で月光をでらでらと照り返すばかりで、ぴくりとも動かない。

私の手はひとりでに胸ポケットからメガネを取り出してかける。

あっと思いとっさに眼を閉じる。なにをよく見ようとしているのだ私は。

次に私の体はおしっこを漏らす。股のあたりだけほんわかとあったまる。

ところで帰っていいですか。だめですか。

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