雪雪／醒めてみれば空耳

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2006-02-19 たそなれ

_ こういうことってどんなふうに書いたらいいのかな？でもどうにか書いてみたいな、という前向きな、前後に揺れる想いにまゆらぐ。

しっくりと呼べない気持ちを名付けてみたくて、あちらかこちらか、左右に揺れる想いにさゆらぐ。

まゆらいだりさゆらいだりしている内に思わず書いてしまっているためらいとは逆の、躓いて前によろめくようなのめらい。

もしやかさに任せて考えていると、考えが頭の上のほうの液面で巻くうずしおのように、脳から外へ巻き上がってゆく。ゆるやかなめぐらいにほとびて。

めぐらぎがはたらきはじめると、景色が新鮮に見えてくる。近景から遠景までのほの粗い凹凸によりそって、触覚が水のようにひた広がる。身体は前を向いたままで、視界が意識を軸に螺離ったように周回する。澄んだ意識のまま捕らわれる克明なめまい。全周がぐるりと、低姿勢でひためぐらう。

まだ名前を呼び慣れない親しい気持ちたち。誰そ彼れの“彼れ”のそばまで歩いて行って、呼びかけてみるときのような誰そ汝れのものたち。振り返り振り向き振り仰ぎ振り伏せ、身定めようとするほどに（留まっているのに）遠ざかるものの佇舞い。

時の流れとさかしまに想いが進むようにまぼろしくて。

付きつ離れつする名前でも、呼ぶほどに、還る視線も確かめいてきて。

もはやここにない心の、明日らいでゆくしぐさを届ける。

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