長男がしょっちゅう、イライラして絡んでくる。八つ当たり、言いがかりであることもしばしば。
そのイライラに同調して感情的な口調で正論を言い返すのは、自分でもなんと情けないことだと思う。かといって、意に介さないでいると、相手にされていないのがまた腹立たしいようなのだ。
息子だって、自分の言っていることがどこかおかしいという自覚はあると思う。それでもイライラ怒りが止まらない。容易に、ひとつのことにとらわれて支配されてしまう。そんな状態を自覚して一息ついて遠くを見る、というようなことが、わたしだってろくに出来ないのに、息子にできるわけはないのだから、そばにいる大人のわたしが解いてあげなければならないのだろうが、具体的にどうすればいいのかわからない。せめて、同じ土俵にあがって二人で囚われてしまわないようにすること、しか考えられない。
さいわい、落ち込むにしろ怒るにしろ、息子のマイナス感情は以前よりも長続きせず、すぐに上機嫌になることが多くなってきた。わたしが置いて行かれることもあるくらいだから、とにかく少なくとも、一緒になってぎゃんぎゃん騒ぐことはやめよう・・・
まっくらな星空(2010-02-16)
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