久しぶりに会った友人に、「明るくなった」と言われたのが嬉しい。
もしかすると以前は同じことを言われても戸惑うだけだったかもしれない。今は明るくなったと言われて嬉しいのだから、たしかに明るくなった。
小学校で他のお母さんに「社交性あるわー」と言われても、慣れないことして頭痛がするくらい全力でがんばってるんだから、と思うばかり。入学前に知り合いが一人もいない場所に移ってきて、がんばりすぎて、広くて浅い関係が出来上がってる。こんなことははじめてで、ぜんぜん嬉しくない。むしろむなしい。
こんな風に「ママ友」に関してはさみしい現状だが、わたしには、わたしなんかと付き合っていてこの人は楽しいんだろうか、いつ飽きられるだろうか、とつねにどこかで心配してしまうくらい、刺激的な友人が何人かいる。そのおかげで、友だちの数が驚くべき少なさでも、自分は恵まれているとよく思う。
そんな友人のうちの一人に肯定的な言葉をもらい挙動が不審にならざるを得ないのだが、明るくなった、というのは素直に受け入れて喜ぶことができるのだった。
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