友人の二人目の女の子の誕生はうちの次男の誕生の二ヶ月後だった。その友人と、互いの赤ん坊連れで会ったときには、「二人目はラクねええ」としみじみ言い合っていた。
それが一年ぶりに電話で話をすると、まったく手に負えない、二番目が、と当然のように言う。おどろいたが、考えてみればうちも同じなのだった。
長男が今の次男と同じくらいの頃をなかなか思い出せず、思い出そうとするとどうしても今の状態に影響される。バイアスをかけられて二人ともいい迷惑だ。
次男がやんちゃなのに対して長男は小さい頃からおとなしかったのはたしかだということから、長男はもっと手がかからなかったような気が、二人目で育児に余裕がでているわたしでさえ、たまにはしてしまう。
次男が、踊ったり表情がゆたかだったりと反応いいためその分よけいに、長男は反応がイマイチよくない子だったような気もしてしまうけれど、日記を読み返してみるとそうでもなかったりするし、また、何しろ長男はよく泣いた、という思いが強すぎて次男はあまり泣かない子ということになっていたけれど、気づけばいまや次男も夜泣きはあるわ甘え泣きもよくするわでけっこうな泣き虫だ。
比較というのは簡単だから危険だなとよく思う。人見知りが強い子と愛嬌のある子。繊細な子と勇ましい子。といった具合に、性質の両端にそれぞれをおくことができてしまう。
二人とも、こちらの思いこみを裏切るようにどんどん意外なところをみせてほしいと思う。が、それは勝手な話で、意外性を見つけるのはこちら次第なんだろう。
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