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2008-08-11 なじみなさ

引越してました。
新しいすみかに馴染めず、どことなくかすかに不安で、七年暮らした土地にホームシック。もうそこはホームじゃないんだけど。自転車でも軽く行けるくらいしか離れてないし、ご近所付き合いなんてなかったのに、離れるのは寂しいものなのだった。この土地にもそんな風に慣れていくものなのだろうか。
馴染みのない土地のよそよそしさが苦手なのだけれど、その苦手さ自体には惹かれるところがある。こちらが一方的にうけとっている、主観的な雰囲気。空の低い位置にある満月が怖いのと似てる。惹かれる怖さ。 とはいっても苦手なのは確かなので、生活してる分にはかるく気持ちが暗い。

次男は通う保育園が決まっても、夏風邪やらなんだで、良好な体調が続かないし、自分は仕事を探さなくちゃならないしで、けっこう気持ちが不安定。
とはいってもじゅうぶん元気。(あべこうじ風)
「だんだんバカに
なっていくのですー」
という小坂忠の歌(だけど細野晴臣の歌声で)が頭の中でときどき流れる。 歌詞は「ばか」あるいは「馬鹿」もしかしたら「莫迦」と表記するのかもしれない。どうなんだろ。

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