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2007-08-26 頭のよさ

物事を単純に理解しない人、安易にまとめたり決めつけたりしない人をみると、頭がいいなあと思う。そういう人の話には、わかりやすい分類法がでてこない。わかりにくく、奥行きがあるようなことを言う。
それから、自分のことをひと事のようにつきはなして見ることが出来る人も頭がいいと思う。
自分の固有名詞の憶えられなさっぷりに自分で引いたり道に迷って呆然としても、とくに気に病みはしないけれど、自分が既成概念を使って安直な考え方をしていたことを自覚すると、がっかりする。
そしてそれ以上に、自分の感性や考えに独自性があるだとか、それに他人が関心を持っているというような、自意識過剰さ・自己中心的な思い込みに気づくと、かなり恥ずかしい。
けれど、恥ずかしい、と感じること自体が、自意識過剰のあらわれなのだった。
自分に対して客観的になれば、政治家でも何でもないわたしが、「自分の感性や考え」という言い方をすること自体がおかしいとわかる。わたしのの言うこと書くことすることは他の誰かが言ったり書いたりしたことをマイナーチェンジした再生で、それはまた他の誰かに同じように再生されるかもしれないしされないかもしれない。それらはどこかに名前入りで記録されているわけはない。こういうことをわかっていれば、恥ずかしさを感じる必要などないのだ。
こんな風に思うとかなり解放感がある。ただ、それで気が済んでしまい、また同じようなナイーブな思い込みにとらわれることになるのでわれながらアホだ。
このことと、短絡的で安易な考えをする頭の悪さはつながっていると思う。どうしたら抜け出られるんだろう、と毎日かんがえているのは、やっぱり自分のことしか考えていないのでバカみたいなんだけれど。

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