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2007-07-03 長男

4年と11ヶ月の年の差があるので、激しくやきもち焼きになることもないだろうとは思っていたが、長男はどうも平均的4歳児よりも幼いところがあるし親べったりの内弁慶なのでわからないぞ、傷つけないように気を配ろうと、妊娠中は思っていた。
ところが、次男が産まれる2、3ヶ月前くらいから長男の言動がしっかりしてきて、少しおとなびてきた。
まずは人見知りがかるくなった。他にもたとえば、それまでにはなかった生意気なことを口にするようになった。何か説明したり注意すると「わかってる」と言い返すとか。意にそぐわないことを親に言われると「えー」といいつつも従うとか。この「えー」はすでに諦めを含んだもので、ちょっとかわいらしく言う。
何より意外に感じ驚いたのは、実家のペットのマルチーズをかわいがっているのを見たときである。それまではその犬に対して、ときどき危険なちょっかいを出しつつ基本的に無関心だったのに、4月に実家に泊まった際、夜、眠りかけているその犬をやさしくなでながら優しい表情で見ていた。
その数日後、今度は2歳の女の子がいる友人の家に連れて行ったらその子にも親しげに、年上らしく接していたのでまたびっくりした。

この変化は個人的には、4月から保育園のクラスに後輩が入ってきたためというのが大きいのではないかと思っているが、あとはわたしのお腹の中に弟がいるという認識のためもあるのかもしれない。
そんな長男を見ていたのだが、入院している産院へ来てはじめて間近で次男をみた際、「だっこしたい」と言い出したのにはまた驚いてしまった。 ちょっと感動した。
産まれてきた弟は小さすぎて赤くてしゃべらないどころか目もろくに開かない、それが長男にはきっと期待はずれで好意的な興味の大半を失うだろうと思っていたのに、「だっこしたい」とは。
また、授乳しているところへ嬉しそうに近づいて覗きこんできたことも意外だった。
人には言えないくらい大きくなるまで授乳していたこともあり、次男への授乳をうらやましがるに違いないと覚悟していたのに、そうではなかったのだ。
幼くみすぎていたということか。
「長男」と書くのも少し違和感がありつつ、じっさい長男なんだしなあ。

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